Live Life. Forget Regrets.

au bon pain

is where i am

moving to massachusetts sunday! i got a job selling little girl apparel. for below minimum wage. i honestly dont even care. im pretty sure my crazy ex boyfriend is letting me live in his house for free so i will only have to cover my bills, gas, and food. same as home but with friends, my own house (well not belonging to my parents), and funfunfun.

i have a phone interview with spin magazine today and have been sitting in this lovely cafe-type surrounding waiting for it but the office there closes at 6 and its 4:22 and i’ getting anxious

the maines publicist got britty cent and me some passes for their show sans cobra on the 25th at starland to make up for last weekends mishap so im excited for that. and thanksgiving. and black friday. it will be a good week,

since ive applied/interviewed at millions of places in the mall im literally here all the time and there is this sex machine i see all the time with such good style. like what the call “european” but actually isnt european but still good looking. its necessary i meet this person.

Friday Night Failure

so today i woke up super early (then slept til 930) and immediately drove home from mass to jersey so i could photograph a show since i havent actually legit shot a show in forever. i got to starland. free parking because the dude said i was pretty..clearly blind…and saw josh in the guest list line and hung out with him. was wicked stoked because i was finally gonna see amanda and steph too. luckily, i wasnt on the maines list and i tried to call suge but he never even looks at his phone til loading out is done sooo i talked to the maines tour manager who i guess thought i was lying about the list and sort of blew me off. so i went home and watched my mom do needle point.

i need some changes man, this life is super lame

my anxiety makes me feel like im coked out of my skull all the time. i wish i believed in therapy.

things i miss

warm summers

the beach

friends i had fun with circa 2k6

kissing people i actually like

shows

being skinny in summer 2k7

having hope for the future

when pen was a kitten

sam

being lucky

im not being pessimistic just nostalgic. i need to get into NYU or my life plan will not be set into motion.

i suck at updating. and life.

so i ran out of money and tolerance for the english and am now going home tomorrow. in three and a half hours i have to get up to go to the airport. needless to say im not sleeping tonight in hopes i will sleep on the whole flight tomorrow. so heres some highlights of my trip:

-paris in its entirety. its a beautiful city with amazing food, great fashion, great nightlife, and beautiful beautiful people. i think i met the love of my life there. actually he was just some good looking drunk guy that kissed me so that his friend would kiss my friend, despite the fact that both he and his friend had girlfriends, who we all ate with at 5am after our night out. he also said he couldn’t eat anything or else he wouldn’t be drunk anymore. clearly, je suis tombee en amoureuse avec lui.

-spain in its entirety. while there was a lack of romance and nightlife on this trip it was because im poor but it was so beautiful. i swam in the mediterranean for the first time ever, rented a bike and rode from our hotel to the city (15 miles round trip) and went to all the little shops and markets and got everybody the best presents ever! we also rode in this train from 1912 that you could stick your head out the window and leave the car to go on the little porch-esque thing with no windows or tall guard rails so when it went through the mountains, the photographic opportunities were endless! it was just so amazing

-jennie. honestly there are so many types of friends you can have. there are friends who come to you with their problems, friends you go to with your problems, friends you go out with, friends you hang out with when youre bored, friends you can talk about anything with and get them on a metaphysical level, and friends you can just laugh with for hours about trivial shit. jennie is all of these things. this girl and i have more in common than i thought possible, and there are no ulterior motives with anything we do. i have best friends and i love them all but i think this friendship i have with this girl is the most genuine one ive had in a long time (save a few ive already got)

-london. okay so england is shit, which ill get to. but london itself is pretty amazing. though only having been to london 3 times in my whole stay, each one was enjoyable even if only in certain parts.

-my love for learning? somehow being surrounded by stupidity and smoking weed now and then has made my thirst for knowledge insatiable. this is a good thing. ive read 5 novels since ive been here. halfway through number 6. i’me 60% done with my grad school applications and im determined to learn japanese and be fluent in french by the summer.

-photography. didnt do nearly as much as i wanted to but the pictures i took i love and i havent even uploaded half of them yet

things that sucked beyond belief:

-the english. they watch soap operas and reality tv like its the news. noone reads real books. noone even watches movies. i watched legally blonde two with the caff and it had subtitles…none of the subtitles were the words spoken. Example: “Home Owner’s Incentive” was written as “Home News Intensive”…who hired this person..what is your job..listening to fucking legally blonde and writing it down..like are you an ass? okay that was a rant. anyway. the men are all chauvinists and idiots and the women are all sluts and idiots. every parent ive seen in england had to be between the ages of 15 and 22. so weird. stop having sex and start reading. youre creating a nation of stupid. i got mad when i was in india because nothing made sense. india was colonized by england. and england makes the same amount of sense as india except its not a third world country. so riddle me this…why? well let’s see. england is an island. an island that has thousands and thousands of years of history to it. so back then only a few people lived in this island…and procreated..over and over and over…so that the population is what it is today. meaning. everyone is inbred. awesome. oh and everyone whos inbred was raised by 16 year old parents. lets stop this now okay?

man sorry that was a very long rant. lets move on

-running out of money. who comes to europe with $1500. thats less than 1000 pounds. 400 of that was for credit cards. then i got to book a trip for $200 to italy that i missed because i missed my bus and was so poor i couldnt even afford to take another 7 pound bus the next day. then i also paid $200 to go to portugal, which i couldnt do because of insufficient funding. in conclusion, i must be english..for coming to the uk with no plans or money. next time, i will know what im doing.

-finding out the job i was hired for was a scam. i dont feel like writing about it since everyone who reads this (me and sam) already know the details

i know there were more low points but i cant be bothered to complain anymore. ive got some big big plans this coming year though. here they are:

-finish applying to grad school

-weigh 119

-save up 10,000 for grad school

-save up 5000 for traveling/me stuff

-start my clothing/jewelry line finally

-make my motherfucking magazine

-read 50 novels by september on my list

-learn japanese by may 7

-become fluent in french by september

-start drawing/painting/anything artistic

-STOP BEING IN LOVE WITH CRAZIES

wish me luck <3

im european

so i got into manchester on saturday (the 19th) and should have taken loads of photos by now but have not been able to not sleep at any point during the day. but this is what life is like here via text.

i got in on saturday 5 hours late because our plane from brussels (where i had layover) decided to hit a bird, which got back at the plane by getting stuck in the engine. so we had to turn around mid flight back to brussels. we waited in the plane for about 30 minutes while hearing awesome announcements like “we actually do not know what’s going on with the engine at the moment” until they decided we had to switch planes..which somehow took two hours. after all that mess, i was the only American to get stopped at immigration because my story for “visiting friends in Europe” along with the address where I was staying and my return ticket home were not convincing enough. Whatever. I finally met up with Caff and her brother drove us to his place for awhile..where i fell asleep on his couch.

We went back to Caff’s at night and tried to watch a DVD but her DVD player is so ridiculous and doesnt actually play anything right in any way so we fell asleep for like 13 hours. It was amazing. Didn’t really do too much for the first few days. We went food shopping which blew my mind because everything was so much weirder and they dont have vanilla soy milk there =/ but they do have pot noodles…which is like Ramen but with stupid flavors that actually all taste the same but are amazing..like “southern fried chicken” which is literally just spicy with no chicken at all..but hey…it works.

Nights have mostly been spent drinking a lot. It turns out I like wine..which works out well because thats what everyone else has readily available. We’ve been going to all her friends at schools’ houses and then to bars. I went to my first gay club which was so weird because it was literally a bunch of straight people..like two gay guys…and about 20 drag queens that were dressed up as like Little Bo Peep and mermaids and shit. Loved it. Caff’s friends are amazingly nice and really cool.

I’m going to London on Monday for a week and coming back October 6.

Then going to Germany to see my step-brother-in-law who’s studying abroad there from October 8 to the 14.

Then I’m going to Italy (Pisa!) with Caff from October 20-22. Only two days but the entire trip is costing us 75 bucks each including airfare. Amazing.

I need to plan when I’m going to France and Spain and Greece and Portugal. Should be no problem though. I’m actually loving life right now. Too bad I’m unemployed and poor because I’d love to live like this for a year instead of 3 months.

Oh. But all the cute boys here have girlfriends. WTF mate?

Summer.com/itsover=[

Man oh man oh man. Can’t believe how much I suck at consistency even after all that college crap but hey—shit happens.

So camp. That was almost a good idea until it wasn’t. I liked the kids. Well okay I liked the kids that didn’t suck and I like 98% of the staff so that was fun but because the camp was run by the retarded/incompetent it was almost degrading that that was my job for a summer. Like the camp director failed to mention that one of the CITs we had the first session had severe brain damage and was borderline retarded and couldn’t do any activities where his head might be hit or he would die. Now I’m thinking that’s probably an essential detail to know in advance so my co-counselor and I didn’t plan things like rock climbing and hiking up steep mountains. However, it was a fun surprise for us.

Some of the people I worked with are probably the best people I’ve ever met. I’m living in Europe for 3 months starting on the 18th with one girl, Caff, from camp. She’s pocket sized and so fucking funny I’m so stoked to be living the dream in Liverpool. That was sort of a spur of the moment deal but I don’t really care because I’m finally going to a bunch of countries with no purpose whatsoever other than photographing and fun. I rule.

Saw Simon a bunch this past week. Still a junkie. Still unemployed. Still Simon. So happy I dont have to deal with that trainwreck anymore though he did proclaim his love for me after I learned he cheated on me. Which was sort of my fault in bringing that out. It went as follows:

Simon: I love you

Kat: Simon..if you hadn’t cheated on me all those times I’d totally marry you (clearly lying. Clearly)

Simon: Oh fuck, how’d you know?

Smooth motherfucker it turns out I am. So that was cool. Then it occurred to me that I didn’t care. It further occurred to me that I like to drink. So that solved that. Hung out with Brendon a bunch. Totally swooning. He’s insane. I’m a stupid girl. C’est la vie.

Went to Indiana in June before camp. So fucking fun. Every bar there really wants you drunk at a cheap price. Genius way of thinking the midwest has. I miss Amanda tons. We talk nonstop for a few months. Then don’t talk at all. Then I visit. Such a weird cycle but it works cuz I love to visit her ha.

Mmk so this is sort of a boring entry so I’m gonna say good to the night. i’ll try to be more consistent and include my fantastic photography.

This is me. Complaining.

So I went to Indiana this week to visit amanda for her 21st which was fabulous and wonderful and I wish I was still there because these next couple of days are going to make me shoot myself.

So today I went to the doctor because I have a lump in my boob and now I need to have an ultrasound to see whether or not I have cancer. Nothing to freak the fuck out about at all…The ultra sound is scheduled for Saturday.

In between now and Saturday I have to: drive to Boston. Unpack all my shit from the apartment in Allston while emotionally supporting my roommate because its going to be the day someone close to her died of cancer while still worrying that I have cancer and then driving back to Edison.

Then my exam.

Then I have to unpack all the shit from my apartment. Then pack up all the summer stuff I need because I start work at the sleep away camp Sunday morning. Then get a physical somewhere in between. Then celebrate my birthday aka eat dinner with my parents because noone gives a shit about my birthday which I guess would come in handy if cancer is in fact whats happening. I’m freaking out. Noone cares. Big surprise.

oh man

drama drama drama everywhere i go

today's my birthday :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE YOUUUU

heyamanda:

i’m finalllllly 21!

summa summa 2009

suckkks.

nah actually its pretty cool. hanging out with val a lot and all my past mistakes boyfriends? whatever they are considered. really weird seeing mike again. 50% of the time i wanted to hang out with him all the time. the other 50% i was convinced i wanted him deported from..earth. but yeah i decided im buying myself a puppy in the fall! a vizsla! stoked.

i guess i have a job this summer working as a CIT leader at a sleep away camp i used to go to. itll be good for the weightloss and the camping and probably a lot of fun but the bad parts are:

one day off a week so no shows

no living in boston

no having friends

no birthday celebration

and uhh im pretty sure i have a degree. why is this my job?

oh well. thats the way its gonna be i guess. im driving to indiana to see amanda on saturday! im excited i havent seen her since warped tour almost a year ago so itll be lots of fun. shes having a yacht party sunday so i can meet all her friends on this booze cruise. woohoo.

check this out.

i rule.